December 2011
12 posts
5 tags
Gifts that Scream, "Go Fuck Yourself"
There are certain things that one wants but does not wish to receive as gifts; an example of this is the gift that my mother gave me this Christmas, a gym membership. Really, mom? Are you that desperate for me to get a boyfriend? Last year, I bought her a museum membership, but nothing about that gift screamed, “You’re single and it’s probably because you have cellulite.”...
I'm a Goddamn Liar
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered something new about myself: I am a liar. However, my lying isn’t out of a need to make myself sound cool or deceive others—I’ve long since given up on that possibility. My lying is a symptom of me being a lazy fuck. Usually I don’t feel like explaining the details of a situation, so I just take a shortcut. An example was the other day when a new acquaintance...
2 tags
December Graduation
I wrote this creative piece a couple years ago. It hasn’t been edited or tweaked. But it’s December, and feelings of loss seem to always surface this time of year.
December seemed like an awkward month to receive an undergraduate diploma. You don’t have the summer to soften the blow. You don’t have that time to pad your ease into a life that isn’t anything like the one you’d been...
3 tags
Air's "Seven Stars" featuring Victoria Legrand
Beach House’s frontwoman, Victoria Legrand, is pretty much my biggest girl crush. Today “Seven Stars,” which will appear on the next Air album, surfaced and features Legrand’s vocals.
2 tags
Drake Hates Tumblr
I’m really scared for my generation, you know. The thing that scares me most is Tumblr. I hate what Tumblr has become. Because it like, it reminds me of those clique-y girls in high school that used to make fun of everyone else and define what was cool, but in five years, when you all graduate, that shit doesn’t matter. No one gives a fuck about that shit. Instead of kids going out...
I Don't Give a Fuck about Your Horoscope
I’ve never been interested in my own horoscope, so what makes people think I will take interest in theirs? Listening to a friend vent about relationship problems is one thing, but it’s an entirely more involved, painful experience when she brings up her compatibility issues based on the zodiac. “I should have known. He is a Taurus!” is not a legitimate response to the fact that your boyfriend...
John Waters on Christmas Gifts
“If they give you a book that you asked them for, you fuck ‘em. If they give you a book by a favorite author without you asking, you blow ‘em. And, if they give you a book by a favorite author that you never knew existed, you rim them… To me, that is proper etiquette.”
Your Job Sounds Boring
We all have one—that one friend whose job can’t be explained within a reasonable amount of time. A reasonable amount of time to explain a job is one word. I can deal with up to 30 seconds, tops. Otherwise, I don’t want to know. For me this one friend with a really confusing job is Adam, a thirty something investment something or another. The worst thing is I often forget that I’ve asked a...
