I’ve never been interested in my own horoscope, so what makes people think I will take interest in theirs? Listening to a friend vent about relationship problems is one thing, but it’s an entirely more involved, painful experience when she brings up her compatibility issues based on the zodiac. “I should have known. He is a Taurus!” is not a legitimate response to the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you.

Whenever I meet someone, it’s difficult enough for me to remember that person’s name; I don’t need to be burdened with his zodiac sign. For some reason some of my friends feel that because someone else is also a Pisces or whatever sign is compatible with Pisces, and I’m not looking it up because I don’t care, we would make totally great friends. You know who would make a totally great friend? Someone who has the sense to know that horoscopes are bullshit.